Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
