thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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