M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
