Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
