This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
