It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
zippers are such a cool invention
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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