Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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