I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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