Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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