I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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