But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The air was thick with penises
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
