if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
