I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
