I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
