the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
