id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
