So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
