My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
