I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
