You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
