Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You pole danced in your parka.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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