He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
