It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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