Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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