Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
