Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
