I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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