you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
