thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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