the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I fill condoms, not promises.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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