she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You pole danced in your parka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
