Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
