just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
