i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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