I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
