Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
