I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
