Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
