hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
