our cab driver is having phone sex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
