just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Farmville is her only friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
