mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
