Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
