nut hugger
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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