you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
