A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
