life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
