WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
