so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Less talking, more tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
