community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
