I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
