2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
